nothing

removed

Distinct, set, rules and guidelines…

Comedy, unlike its closest relative, anger, has distinct set rules and guidelines. The first of which is

13.5 years – the time it takes a tragedy before it can be funny. 13.5 years after 9-11 some half-talented hack will be making a career out of twin towers jokes. Considering the teen stars who have opted for silicon boobs, they may be able to get more than one topic out of it.

Followed by “Hitting someone in the head with a hammer is funny, beating them to death with a hammer is not” This is a difficult concept for beginner comics. They hit someone with a hammer, the audience laughs, they continue hitting the person, audience continues to laugh, but the laughs are tapering off, so they beat the person harder and, in the process, beat them to death, cops come and this leads to another comedy maxim “Its all fun and games until someone gets hurt” for further clarification go to the Wiki article on Andy Kaufman.

Bill Murray and Chevy Chase are not, never were and never will be “Friends” . Simple enough, because two comics are in the same venue does not automagically make them Friends, buddies, lovers or even admirers. Chevy and Bill were ready to pop each other in the snot locker, and it was because ONE of them was being a big shot snot.

“Anger is the magic elixir to find the funny in the shitty”. How many times did Richard Pryor say nigger and we laughed at it. Do you think Richard thought the word nigger funny ? I am not even black and I can flat out tell you it cost him one hit point on his soul each time he said it and three hit points each time he heard it. He got his way in the end, he went to Africa, realized that even the bunnies had attitude and he admitted he detested the word. We should have moved on but people being what they are they couldn’t call a man with brown skin “Brother” they had to resort to words we should have known better about in the first place. Need new material ? Have someone piss you off, your golden.

Okay, these aren’t all of them, these are the few that stand up (professionals) have shared with me. Now, I am able to stand up in a crowd of people and rattle off a few jokes, do an impression or make a wisecrack and get them laughing, it helps if they have had something to drink like a bottle of mescal, but otherwise I am not a pro or even an amateur comedian. I have thought about it, written routines, had personalities etc down pat and ready to go. But one thing holds me back

I couldn’t possibly be that angry enough to be funny.

Visualize whirled peas !

Lance is back at it.

Lance Amrstrong, that guy is something else. So he retired from bicycle racing after kicking France’s Tour De France into the highest gear it had ever been, it’s going to be a while before anyone gets close to that record. So he earned some “Lance” time.

7 fingers, 7 wins. Too bad, considering the way France treated his earlier wins, he couldn't have borrowed 5 other middle fingers.

Apparently, Lance time didn’t mean vegetating and resting on his laurels. There was that very public relationship with Sheryl Crow (How pissed is she ? He didn’t want kids but Ana Hansen is having his kid – and not through in vitro fertilization, it was some stealth sperm that didn’t get knocked out by the cancer treatment – wow, irony) Then there was television and movie appearances, Live Strong meetings etc etc etc…

Poor guy had to get back into racing just to get some “Lance” time.

Lance, for what it is worth buddy, screw the tabloids, screw the relationship BS, Your fans are behind you, hell, I don’t even LIKE bikes, motorized or pedal type, and I LOVE ya brother !

And whoever the cowardly little creep is who stole Lance’s bike in Sacramento, may you get boils all over the underside of your testes and have to ride a 3-speed schwinn all the way to Woodland, in August, you *#$%*!

Famed Sebastiani Vineyards Sold

Famed Sebastiani Vineyards Sold To Foley Wine Group

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

NEW YORK — After more than a century in business, a family-owned California winery has sold itself to a southern California conglomerate as consolidation swirls in wine country.

Does any one else feel the chilling, boney hands of death here ? Am I the only California Ex-Pat who shivers here ?

Sebastiani was never a winery that you drank to impress your friends from. It was good quality wine that sat well on the table, on the stomach and never took a huge hit against your wallet.

Now the godless, souless conglomerates are buying out a small family (100 acres plus whatever other grapes they purchased) winery and slamming the door shut on California winery history. And a bitter breeze is blowing through the once peaceful and sunny Napa valley.

I hate CA, true dat, born there and REFUSE to go back. But, as an oenophile, I am sitting here ready to cry, thinking that the Napa valley, a place Christ would have walked and picnicked, had he lived in CA,  is headed into hell without the benefit of redemption.

C’mon dammit. I bought my fair share of wine. Why ? Can it be that wine making is now a commercial enough venture to attract the hordes of corporate dweebs with a mind “for the bottom line” ?

If we only had a few more people with a soul working in corporate America, maybe someone would have spoke up and said “Hey, it didn’t work when we tried to commercialize religion, either” we wouldn’t be at this sorry damn state.

I think I need a drink, but no wine today, perhaps jack Daniels, which may wash the taste of this story out of my mouth.

Dear reader, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and may God Bless. these are indeed, troubled times.

Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress.com. I am not going to delete this welcome post because I like it. It feels good. Like a warm satiny blankie from the dryer.

Hey, if your a prospective employer checking out my writing WELCOME ! And if you arent a prospective employer checking out my writing WELCOME !

I’m kinda friendly that way.